Friday, June 22, 2012

the thief of joy...


God is teaching me so many things on this journey.

It's easy to get caught in the trap of comparison (especially while looking on pinterest).  :)

The other day, I discovered another blog of mom helping her child beat epilepsy one bite at a time with the ketogenic diet.

My google search brought me to this post.

What a challenging thought! 
I risk losing my joy not only when I compare my life to others, but when I compare my life to what I hope it will be in the future. 

Just like this mom, I remember thinking, "If only we could get these seizures to stop, then life would be better."

And it is!!!!  I do not take this miracle lightly at all.  All I have to do is go back and look at the seizure journal or read old blog posts, look at old pictures or videos and I can't stop thanking God for His intervention on our little guy. 

Every day I am so thankful for the simple blessing of getting through a meal without watching Ben hit his face on the table.  My heart sings when I hear him keeping a beat on his drum set or watch him hit a baseball.  I'm thrilled that I can push him on the swings and not worry that a seizure will cause him to fall off mid-swing!

But it's easy to fall into the trap of comparison again.

I find myself thinking, "If only he could get off this diet, then life will be easier.  If only we could wean the drugs, then..." 

And it's true. 
The diet is hard - every meal is a battle of sorts. 

It's hard to find the balance between being a firm parent requiring him to follow directions and eat his meal (because he HAS to) and yet being understanding to the fact that it is frustrating and difficult for him. 

The other night I learned that too much coconut oil causes severe cramping.  Ben had a very upset tummy the last time I gave it to him and couldn't sleep because of it. When I realized that it was because of the coconut oil in the syringe, I felt horrible.  I quickly became overwhelmed with how frustrating this diet can be, how I feel like I'm failing him miserably when I can't find a meal that he enjoys.  I had to work hard not to let the negativity consume me. 

So, I'm learning that I have to be careful not to miss out on the joy that is to be discovered right now because I'm so focused on how much better life will be when this challenge is over. 

I'm thankful for last night when Ben went out of his way to tell me how yummy his food was (despite the fact that it wasn't his favorite) because he knew I had been upset.  I think it was his attempt to reassure me that I'm not in this alone - that we are going to get through this together.

And most importantly, I have a Father in heaven who is helping me every step of the way and even better,  He has provided a way for all of us to spend a eternity with Him - never experiencing anymore struggles.  How amazing! 

Therefore, since we have been declared righteous by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand...

Not only this, but we also rejoice in sufferings,
knowing that suffering produces endurance,
and endurance, character,
and character, hope.

And hope does not disappoint...

(Romans 5:1-5)

This has become a very long post...
I'm not even sure all of what I'm trying to say...
I'm writing this mostly as a reminder to myself, but maybe you are struggling to find joy in your daily battle as well. 
Let's remember His love, His mercy and grace, and that He is an ever present help in our time of need... 

And maybe He's making something beautiful out of this dusty, difficult situation...                                       


  1. I am amazed by you everyday, and oh, so thankful that you are my dearest friend. When I think back to the meals served to Ben in the hospital compared to the meals that you make, I know that Ben is blessed with a Mama who wants to make meals that are kid friendly and tasty. You are doing a fantastic job...if you forget it, I will remind you. :) Love you.

  2. Well said and so very true! Thank you, Lord, for our daily bread and the joy we have in You and the eternal hope !

  3. This post brought tears to my eyes. Our kids are amazing.

    I had never heard the quote from Theodore Roosevelt. But it's so true.