Tuesday, August 7, 2012

my focus for this month...

That is how we say this special verse with Ben every night before bed...

Back in August 2011, we had just received the Doose diagnosis and the reality that we were facing a giant was hitting us hard.

We sat together in church listening to our pastor's sermon.  I do not remember what he was talking about except that he was preaching out of Deuteronomy.  Leeon's eyes fell to the adjacent page and found this scripture.  He quietly pointed it out to me and as soon as I read it, my heart leapt within me.

I'm sure that theologians would have issue with my exegesis of this particular scripture, but to this mama's heart it was like a healing balm on a wounded spirit.

It says, "rest secure in Him". 

When the nocturnal tonic clonics were in full force, rest evaded all of us.  Leeon and I would take shifts sleeping next to him in bed.  It seemed that some nights as soon as we all got settled, a seizure would happen, and instantly we would be thrown into panic mode.  The lights would be turned on, we would yell for each other, scramble for the timer, and then watch and wait to see what the next few minutes would bring...

How long is it lasting?  Do we administer diastat? When did he have diastat last? Are his lips blue?  Why isn't it stopping?  This one seems longer.  Do we call 911?  Should we call the on-call neuro?  What do we do?  Ok, I think it's stopping....

Despite our lack of physical sleep, God was promising true REST to our little guy.

I also loved how this scripture said, "He shields him all day long." 

When the drop seizures were around, I wanted to wrap him in a bubble so that the falls would not cause injury.  We couldn't let him out of our sight for even a moment.  And yet God was promising to be his shield. 

I chose this scripture as my focus for the month because somehow my little baby is ready for kindergarten! 


My little 6 pound bundle of joy....

has turned into a
baseball loving,
drum playing,
lawn mower & vacuum cleaner obsessing,
five year old
who has stolen our hearts...

I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that there is a little uneasiness in the thought of him going to school.  Even though I have the privilege of being right across the hall from him, I still have all of the normal mommy worries...

I worry that he'll grow up too fast. 
That reading will be hard for him.
That he won't be able to sit still.
That he will be a follower instead of a leader.
That his heart will get hurt.

It makes me want to wrap him in a bubble...sound familiar?

But instead I need to focus on this scripture.  It says, "He shields him all day long."  God will be there to shield him.  His love for Ben far outweighs mine (that is so hard to comprehend).  His plans for Ben are better than anything I could come up with...so I need to trust Him.  I need to see Ben resting on His Heavenly Father's shoulders...enjoying the view and being completely cared for.

This month...we are thanking God:
  1. for 7 months without a seizure
  2. 9 months of successful diet therapy
  3. the blessing of working at a wonderful school and getting to take Ben with me!
  4. that we can rest secure in Him knowing that He is our shield

We are continuing to pray:
  1. that this will be Ben's forever miracle
  2. for two other Doose families who have seen seizures return after a very long reprieve (J's family and H's family)
  3. that Ben will transition well to school - that he will eat at school in the allotted time; that his energy level will be high enough to stay engaged
  4. that the insomnia will lessen as he starts school

Thank you for praying!


  1. You are a really great mom! I love this post! Ben will be in my prayers for a super fantastic year of Kindergarten!
    Thanks for sharing.

  2. Beautiful! We continue to believe that this is Ben's forever miracle, and we give thanks for every seizure free day. Love you guys so much.

  3. Motherhood sometimes feels like a constant lesson in letting go, huh? I am so excitied for you that Ben will be at Shack with you (and all of us!) It is no mistake that you are a kindergarten teacher...what a perfect way to transistion him into school. I will continue to pray for Ben and all of the family.

    I love the concept of this being his forever miracle. Having had the benefit of medical miracles in Bentley's little life so recently, I continue to marvel at our awesome God.

  4. This post is simply beautiful Laurie. You are an amazing mom and women of God! We are praying daily for our little guy and will focus our prayers on the things mentioned above! Love you all!